Buck Up

In 2003 my father died of lung cancer. He lived with it for about 3 years – probably longer than anyone thought he would. The legend is that at one point he told my mother he just didn’t feel like he could go on much longer and her response was that he had to “buck up”. Turned out he had a collapsed lung at the time and once it was fixed he lived a while longer. After last week, Eunice told me to buck up.

Where do idioms like “buck up” come from? I think we’d all agree that buck up means to basically grin and bear it or just plain old “get over it.” Since I have time I did an internet search for the origins of buck up. Apparently it is related to the male spirit of rutting deer (bucks). And there may have been some connection to “bucks” or snappy dressing “dandies” of nineteenth century Britain so that “buck up” meant to dress better.

Last week, I had a bad week. The cold and cough got the better of me and I wasn’t very nice – pretty self-absorbed actually. I didn’t feel well and was extremely tired; dozing off for a few moments in the midst of things. Eunice took the brunt of my bad attitude and I really spiraled downward for a few days. I went to urgent care, got some antibiotics, and started to feel a little better. I apologized to Eunice for my behavior and received the “you need to buck up” message. It’s was good advice on both fronts: to get over it and snappy dressing.

I have a much better attitude this week as I traveled to Detroit for work. I dressed very casually for the trip out wearing shorts, t-shirt, and sandals. Not exactly snappy dressing. However, I forgot to pack my shoes (see chemo brain) so I am wearing bright orange sandals with slacks and an oxford shirt for my business meetings. I may have started a new trend. It’s a bold fashion statement, very snappy, and has been well received by others. Fortunately orange goes with anything.

Buck up!

Eat Good Food, Be Kind, Tell the Truth

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Collection of Recipes

The Friday Update: Just the Facts

Clearing-Up Some Things

Ann got six nice messages from around the country and the world wishing her a Happy Birthday. It looks like I have 6 readers and 5 of them are outside the state of Minnesota. Maybe readers in Minnesota are shy. I’m not really into social media. It seems to be more technology focused than really useful for some purpose. Someone sent me a link: Twouble with Twitters that I found funny and took me back to the reasons I starting writing letters to Ann and Dallas when they went to college.

Last week was not a great week. I know I claimed Cytoxan might be the cure for the common cold but it’s not. The cough got worse and is still bad. I did find a decongestant I can use but it's not really very effective. The tiredness I experience with the cold seems additive to the chemo fatigue. I’ve been very tired this week. Hoping it goes away soon.

Eunice is back from the family reunion in West Virginia. Apparently the next one (3 years from now) is going to be held in Minnesota. It’s not clear to me how that happened. It appears there are many needs that have to be met so right now I’m leaning toward seeing if we can reserve one of the many rehab centers in Minnesota; not so much a reunion as an intervention.

Eat Good Food, Be Kind, Tell the Truth

Click below for the collection of recipes or for an easy to print copy of a single recipe.

Collection of Recipes

Southern Oven-Fried Chicken: lighter alternative to fried chicken.

The Friday Update: Just the Facts

What is a Normal Day?

After looking at the blog a friend, Sam, asked me, “When do you sleep”? I guess that’s as good as place to start as any. I go to bed around 10 or 10:30 and get up around 3 or 4 in the morning. Five to six hours of sleep seems to do the trick. I have a cup of coffee and work on this blog either jotting down some ideas for posts or cleaning some things up. The blog has helped keep me sane in the early morning hours.

I’ll start work around 5:30 or 6. I work from home for a company called Maritz. and the people I work are located in the Detroit area. My primary client is General Motors. I do Organizational Development work with their dealer network and a group of nationwide Facilitators to help improve work processes in GM dealerships. Buy American. I recently read an advertisement by the president of Toyota, North America extolling their commitment to quality and safety since 1937. I don’t think I would have gone back quite that far. Did I mention my father was a WWII vet? He was in the South Pacific. GM and Maritz have been very good to me.

I take a break around 10:30 and try to walk the dog and grab some lunch. Since the folks in Detroit are an hour ahead of me this overlaps with their lunch. The afternoon is more work, take a few breaks, and I’m generally done at 5 or so. I have a lot of flexibility. I also have a lot of variety and creativity in what I do, it isn’t physically taxing, and I’ve been able to continue working without a problem. Chemo brain interferes a little because I am forgetful and have some confusion keeping track of my schedule. The folks I work with have been very forgiving.

Especially when on Prednisone I tackle a variety of small household tasks throughout the day. I tend to think about the things I’m working on while I start a meal, clip some flowers, or whatever. Random thoughts get in too like thinking about painting the other bathroom. I watch many Twins games in the evening and try to do some needlepoint during the game. Baseball is similar to the blog; it helps keep me sane but in the evening.

I do interact with my family and there is no “normal” routine there. Eunice is in West Virgina for a family reunion. Ann and Dallas are working and keeping me company in the evening. We have dinner together. The consistent thing is they take great care of me. Sleep comes with a “love you, goodnight” for all.


Eat Good Food, Be Kind, Tell the Truth

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Collection of Recipes

Noodles with Peanut Sauce and Vegetables: a family favorite.

The Friday Update: Just the Facts

A Cure for the Common Cold?

I caught a cold last week and, no, it wasn’t a side-effect of the chemo. I dislike colds very much. They tend to last 2-3 weeks for me and involve a trip to urgent care. I did not want that. I was out of sorts and not feeling so well for my treatment on Monday, yesterday, and it had only been 3-4 days. My throat was a little sore, nose running, and a cough. I told my nurse if I needed a mask I’d be happy to wear one or whatever so others didn’t get it. The funny thing was I was the only person in the chemo room so they left me alone. That lone Monday infusion (D8) is Cytoxan and only takes about 2 hours. I slept quite a bit through it and when I got up to leave realized I felt pretty good, almost like my cold was gone. I thought maybe it was all the fluids or something.

Twelve hours later I’m still feeling pretty good – maybe a little congestion.

Twenty-four hours later and all is well. I have a little congestion but will call the pharmacy today to see if there is a nasal spray or something I can use to help stop that. The Procarbazine has so many restrictions that I can’t take a lot of OTC medications.

I don’t recommend it but an infusion of Cytoxan may be the cure for the common cold.

Eat Good Food, Be Kind, Tell the Truth

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Collection of Recipes

Braised Chicken with Mushrooms and Oven-Baked Polenta: all four of us liked it.

Oven-Baked Polenta: if you just want the Polenta recipe.

The Friday Update: Just the Facts

I Went to a Garden Party…

Really it was a graduation party for John and Angie’s son. A beautiful day, sitting outside, catching up with people. I’ve been a little socially isolated.

Kathy complimented me on the blog. I was trying to explain to her and Bob that it is a real outlet for me but not just for the writing. The “putting it together” piece is just as important. It helps with my tunnel vision by really giving me something on which to focus.

So how does a blog work? Search me. Most of it is automatic but when it starts “thinking” for me it gets very interesting. What I want and what it does often are not aligned. I get focused on fixing those things and it can keep me occupied for hours.

The blog has actually been 3 blogs that I tried to tie seamlessly together. The collection of recipes and the recipes themselves are separate blogs that open in a new window so you never have to leave this one and click back; same with incorporating pictures and other links. It is not an automatic function so I had to incorporate the HTML language to make that happen. I’ve made a lot of trips to the HELP section and HELP is not always very helpful. Basically it is a control issue and right now, I have a high need for control.

Carrie told Eunice she also like the blog but that I never said how I was. She didn’t know what she was starting. I’ve been working on that with tunnel vision since last night. There is now a 4th blog – The Friday Update: Just the Facts . I'll include a link for it at the end of each post and also on the top sidebar of the blog. You can simply click on it to get the short update on how I am doing or bookmark it to go there directly once a week so you don’t have to wade through all this other stuff. Thanks, Carrie for the suggestion via Eunice.

I’m still feeling well. Had some issues with constipation this week and felt a little off for a day. I also have a sore throat and think I may be catching a cold which is not good. This morning I noticed I also had a mouth sore and it occurred to me that the sore throat could be a side effect of the chemo especially because otherwise I feel fine. I gargled with salt water to see if that would help I did get some immediate relief but I remember as a kid my mother had us gargle with salt water as a “cure” for sore throats. Can’t hurt.

Eat Good Food, Be Kind, Tell the Truth

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Collection of Recipes

Mediterranean Potato Salad: Good for a Garden Party.

The Friday Update: Just the Facts

The Daily Bunny

I’m going to get in trouble for this one. We have rabbits in our yard. Not pet rabbits – rodents. They eat (destroy) plants, bushes, and even small trees. I have a strong dislike for rabbits but not your pet bunny. There is a distinction. I’ve tried to prevent them from damaging the plants. Sprays don’t work. Leaving a portion of the yard for them to eat doesn’t work (they do most of their damage in the winter). I’ve tried trapping them to move them to another area and that hasn’t worked. I even built a snare to catch them but that didn’t work either. Other suggestions I heard were get a dog, fox, or cat to prey on them.

We have a dog (Shadow) and two cats (Sadie and Smudge). Shadow is getting old (11+) and he isn’t really a hunter or chaser anymore. He might trot after them if he sees them and they might or might not run away. They seem to sense he is harmless.

Both cats are indoor cats. Sadie has a variety of neuroses that make her unsuitable for much more than sitting in your lap to be petted. Even eating is a chore for her. She hovers around 8 pounds and we have to watch to make sure she doesn’t lose weight.

Smudge and I have not been the best of friends. He is an overeating bully with few redeeming qualities other than he's a good looking silver tabby. He is big - 15 diet-controlled pounds. Sadie doesn’t like Smudge.

As you might imagine Prednisone and Smudge were not a good match. My impatience with Smudge grew to anger and a great deal of frustration. I’m comfortable saying it was a Smudge-induced injury – not self-inflicted. I decided to let him go outside early in the morning and late in the afternoon before we fed the cats. Smudge has an internal clock that goes off at meal time and I felt confident that he would return. And he did. In fact he doesn’t leave the yard, wanders around it a bit, and stays close to home. This is where I get in trouble: he has starting catching rabbits; chipmunks too!

A friend, Mary, took me to task so you don’t have to. Mary has a great framing/gift store in the warehouse district of Minneapolis called Mitrebox. She sent me a link to the The Daily Bunny a collection of pictures of people’s pet bunnies, not the scurrilous things you’ll find in my yard.

Smudge and I are on much better terms now. When he returns from his outside adventures he likes to be petted; briefly but petted none the less. He doesn’t chase down and bully Sadie anymore as he did in the past although Sadie still hates him. He and Shadow have always been friends but he has taken that to new heights. He is turning into a good cat. I made him a ribbon and hanged it above his food dish that reads: “Bunny Catcher Extraordinaire.” We’ll see what happens this winter but I’m anticipating fewer rabbits and less damage. Good Smudge!

Eat Good Food, Be Kind, Tell the Truth

Click below for the collection of recipes or for an easy to print copy of a single recipe.

Collection of Recipes

These are NOT low Tyramine recipes - pets only!

Pastries for Cheese Loving Cats: Bet you thought this was going to be a rabbit recipe.

Dog Biscuits: Don’t forget the dog.

Fertility, Menopause, and Banana Nut Bread

Yep, the conversation in the Chemo room turned to fertility and eventually menopause. Ingrid started asking questions about the effects of chemo on fertility. Of course they are not good; depending on your perspective. A quick scan of the participants includes Ingrid (40+), 1 chemo nurse (30+), 2 couples (70+), and me and Eunice (50+). I mentioned that loss of fertility wasn’t necessarily a bad thing and that some of us actually look forward to it. One woman receiving chemo chimed in that the “8 golden years” of menopause weren’t so golden. Her husband agreed that menopause isn’t good for anyone. I should add at this point people are laughing and enjoying this conversation. The women seem more comfortable than the men.

Ingrid is reading from a copy of an article on the side effects of various drugs. It seems some of hers have the possibility of rendering her sterile and facilitating early menopause. She does not have children, doesn’t want to have children, but still wants everything to work so the "possibility" exists. The rest of us have children and having more isn’t really an issue or desirable. What does this say about us? Life is a paradox.

Ingrid concludes with the website recommendation to harvest your eggs/sperm prior to chemo. This seems to go beyond functionality and more to implementation. I don’t bring it up because it's a message of hope and really the whole conversation is a lesson in hope. Here are four people with cancer actively discussing the future with no expressions of doubt that they will be participating in it. The chemo room is a hopeful place.

Another thing fascinates me. It’s the perspective of different generations. The people in the conversation represent 4 different generations: the silent (b. 1928-45), baby boomers (b. 1946-64), Gen Xers (b. 1965-80), and Millenials (b. 1981 +, the chemo nurse just squeezed in). I was surprised by the willingness of everyone to participate in the conversation and lack of any embarrassment on our parts. I am familiar with some of the research around generations due to working with organizations and how different generations work together etc. and this caught my attention. Our niece Emma (and I hate to drag her into this) posted a link on her blog Open-Eyed and Uffish to a Pew quiz called “How Millennial are you?” and I took it. It is a brief survey and I scored in the Gen Xer category. I was born in 1956. It’s hard to categorize people; life is a paradox.

Everyone is different except you and me, and sometimes I’m not too sure about you.

Eat Good Food, Be Kind, Tell the Truth

Click below for the collection of recipes or for an easy to print copy of a single recipe.

Collection of Recipes

Banana Nut Bread: My father’s (b. 1917) recipe.

What Do You Wear to Chemo?

The Orvis Catalog came and I am looking for a hat – perhaps the Orvis Snowy River Hat. The catalog says it is an authentic Panama straw hat, 3” brim, and traditional pinched front. It comes in a putty color. Or there is the packable Fedora. It has an adjustable nylon headband for a “perfect fit” and a tuck-away chin strap for windy days – or fast driving with the convertible top down. Women don’t find anything more attractive than a bald diabetic with cancer driving a convertible with the top down. I’m sure I am in demand. We were talking about this at dinner a while ago; what my “billboard” would be. The kids thought perhaps Eunice should give me some money too. I haven’t seen our checkbook in 25 years and I never seem to have any cash. They think that would be more impressive than hair.

The Orvis catalog also has a shirt that is ideal for chemotherapy. What do you wear to chemo? The short answer is whatever you want. It was hot and humid (over 90 and 90) on my first day of my second cycle and I wore shorts and a t-shirt. Today, starting my third cycle it is cool and raining so I wore jeans and a long sleeve pullover. The chemo room is cool and they are pumping fluids into you so it all chills you. Summer heat and chemo room cool are quite a contrast. The warm blanket and heated chair help but it made me think of chemo-wear. A shirt with an opening for the port is very handy. The Orvis shirt is the Havana Sunset Camp Shirt. It buttons up and would give good access to the port. Its two front pockets would also hide the bump from the port a little. Pure cotton and meant to go with the Panama hat that I’m already less enamored with than when I started writing this post. I need a garage sale special straw hat, a little floppy, worn on the edges of the brim, and maybe it sheds a little too. But the pre-revolutionary Cuban shirt is just right.

It would be interesting to see what someone with imagination and who knew what they were doing might create for a chemo-wear line. I think it would go beyond form and function and have a comforting tactile component as well.

Ingrid is having her last week of treatment – no need for chemo-wear.

Eat Good Food, Be Kind, Tell the Truth

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Collection of Recipes

Black Bean Corn Salsa

A Good Egg

My daughter has a friend who insists that you if there are two foods you like you should be able to combine them and enjoy that too. It’s not a bad idea for trying new combinations of food but it tends to breakdown with eggs and desserts. A fried egg over a dish of ice cream; I don’t think so.

My need to not leave leftovers too long in the refrigerator has gotten me to try leftovers with a fried egg over the top for breakfast: chili on a piece of toast, enchiladas, mashed potatoes and cream gravy, baked beans on toast, the beef from fajitas on toast with cream gravy, rice and pile on ingredients, a hamburger, salmon with lime sauce, and so on – all with an egg over easy on top. It’s filling; often the breakfast holds me over until dinner.

Turns out I didn’t discover eggs and leftovers or creative concoctions using eggs. There are people out there eating eggs on almost anything. I found a blog dedicated to putting an egg on it. There are a lot of good ideas for topping things with an egg and some not so good ideas as well.

Eat Good Food, Be Kind, Tell the Truth

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Frying an Egg Over Easy

Adapt, Improvise, and Overcome

Some people are surprised that I needlepoint or maybe I should say that I know how to needlepoint. I take it up off and on. I come by this honestly – my father taught me to do it when I was a kid. I still have some of the early pieces I did. When my father died I found a map of the United States that he started in the early ‘60s. He completed a lot of it but got frustrated because there was a lack of blue yarn to complete the oceans. He put it down and never got back to it.

I’ve decided to complete the map. Each strand of yarn has three threads and you take one thread, double it, and use that to do the stitching. I can’t exactly match the color of the 50 year old blue yarn but I can get close. If I use one strand of the old yarn and one strand of the new yarn it is pretty close in color and hard to tell the difference. I have to adapt, improvise, and overcome.

Chemo and needlepoint have some similarities. As I understand it chemotherapy was “discovered” as a side effect of the use of mustard gas during World War I. We’ve come a long way since then. But the mixing and matching of cocktails to the cancer, stage, dose, schedule, etc. makes chemotherapy part science and part art. While there are standard protocols there may be more than one good option for treatment based on its known advantages and disadvantages. And while oncologists select the best treatment regimen for their patients, there is no guarantee that an individual will achieve the desired response and that can alter the regimen. But we all need to adapt, improvise, and overcome at some point or another.

I had a scan last Friday. It showed things are getting smaller. My oncologist actually said he was “very pleased”. I asked how we would know if it was gone since I have two types of lymphoma, the slow grower and the fast grower – think of it as a collection of cells not a single thing. His answer is that we won’t know for sure without doing a biopsy. Neither he nor I are big on that because it means opening my chest up. There are a limited number of routes to the location and the surgeon has used two already – there aren’t a lot left. We’re saving the big one for later. But after my treatments are over we will basically just stop. If any of the fast grower is left it will start growing quickly and we’ll adapt, improvise, and overcome. If it doesn’t grow then we have the dormant slow grower that I’ve had in the past and I’ll just continue to live with my old friend.

I’m due to complete my last cycle the end of September and I hope to complete the map by then too. Nice to have a deadline.

Eat Good Food, Be Kind, Tell the Truth

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Collection of Recipes

Chunky Applesauce: A slow cooker recipe seemed appropriate.

Travel

Just returned from a trip to Detroit and traveling was easy. It’s amazing how accommodating people are; not just friends but everyone. I went to a deli for lunch and all their sandwiches had something I couldn’t eat. Darius, the guy behind the counter offered to make me a sandwich that met my needs. He built it ingredient by ingredient suggesting interesting things to put on along the way. It was great and I think we both had fun while he was doing it. I was careful in restaurants but it wasn’t a big deal. I also was able to sleep well and didn’t get overly tired. I made plans to go back on June 28-July 1 for some additional meetings.

I have an appointment to go over the results of my scan today. Don’t really know what to expect but hope everything is smaller. I’ll post the results later.

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Hair...

My hair loss hasn’t been dramatic. My hair is definitely thinner but there is enough that I haven’t shaved (or lint rolled) my head. I did order a gentlemen’s personal barber from Hammecher Schlemmer. It’s like a comb or brush that allows you to trim your hair and keep it short. I keep my hair short anyway so this is something I’ll continue to use. It works great.

Baldness can be uncomfortable for anyone but especially for women. Hats are great but keeping your hair is even better. I read an article in our newspaper the other day about the Rapunzel Project, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping chemotherapy patients keep their hair during treatment. It was founded by two breast cancer survivors and their website has information about cold caps and many tips that may help prevent hair loss during chemotherapy. It appears that keeping your hair during chemotherapy is becoming a reality.

Adding the two extra units of Lantus appears to have done the trick controlling the increase in my morning blood sugar. One of the good things about getting up early is that I could test my blood sugars throughout the morning. The increase in blood sugar happens from about 5-7 in the morning. I’ve always experienced an increase overnight and most people (diabetics and non-diabetics) have fluctuations that occur over the course of the day (basal rate). My Lantus insulin manages those fluctuations over a 24 hour period. Many diabetics use an insulin pump to give a low level amount of insulin that does the same thing. Both mimic the insulin produced in a normal person to control these natural fluctuations. That is probably more than you wanted to know but the important thing is it seems to be working.

I wasn’t up early this morning. I slept almost 9 hours last night. Feeling well rested and ready to go.

Eat Good Food, Be Kind, Tell the Truth

Click below for the collection of recipes or for an easy to print copy of a single recipe.

Collection of Recipes

Headquarters Chili: We make this camping too. It's easy and will make your bald head glisten.

Happy Birthday, Annie

Twenty-two years ago about this time (3:15am) Eunice's water broke. By 12:30 we had a little girl. She got a 10 on the APGAR scale - good lungs - and let everybody know it. Happy Birthday, Annie!

I was re-reading some letters Ann and I exchanged her freshman year in college. In one she talked about how letter writing was a dead art. I had brought the topic up in a letter I sent her. She was connected to her cousins and others through social media like Facebook. Even email was starting to be used less because of the immediacy of Facebook. And now my cohort and baby-boomers around the world have taken over Facebook reconnecting with friends from high school, little league, college, and revealing private things publicly (see the Turdulence post). I created this blog to keep friends and family informed about my lymphoma and selfishly to keep track of my progress through chemotherapy. I imagined a small group of people that I know reading this occasionally but I have no idea who is reading it or where they are.

So let's try an experiment in social media. IF you happen to read this (today, tomorrow, or weeks from now) do me a favor and leave a comment wishing Ann a happy birthday. I'll pass on your good wishes to her and promise not to publish them.

I didn't really get an answer (not that there is one) regarding my overnight rise in blood sugar other than it may be time to increase my dose of Lantus insulin in the morning. Many people take Lantus in the evening but I take it in the morning to avoid overnight lows. I'll raise it two units and see if that helps.

In the meantime if you're not on a Low Tyramine diet, enjoy a piece of Ann's birthday cake. It has ingredients higher in Tyramine and obviously isn't friendly to diabetics either.

Eat Good Food, Be Kind, Tell the Truth

Click below for the collection of recipes or for an easy to print copy of a single recipe.

Collection of Recipes

Double-Coconut Cake: A favorite of Ann's. This is NOT a Low Tyramine friendly recipe. I will NOT include it in the collection of recipes. But for Ann's birthday and the rest of your family, here it is.

Sweet Sleep

My sleep has been off and on. I sleep well but not for long periods of time - typically about 5 hours. I've been taking a nap during the day for 30 minutes or so. Felt lousy all afternoon last Saturday for no apparent reason. That's all I have to complain about so it isn't much. The other odd thing is that I go to bed with a "normal" blood sugar but wake up with a high blood sugar; not just a little bit high but near 300. This is unusual for me. I'm going to check in with my endo today to see if she has any insight/advice. I have a scan on Friday.

In the meantime, Dallas has started his work as a lifeguard and is happy to be busy and earning some money. His friend, Amanda, is coming to visit next week. Amanda was here last year and we are looking forward to another visit. Ann returned from her first trip with Wilderness Inquiry and loved it. They took 16 mentally/developmentally challenged people to the Apostle Islands for a camping/canoeing weekend. She was enthusiastic about the everything.

I continue to feel well and enthusiastic about things too.