From Eunice... Be Kind

Getting through David’s cancer treatment, although not a walk in the park, was basically simple. It required only that I follow the three principles that Henry James suggested were the most important in life: Be kind, be kind, be kind.

For the most part it wasn’t hard being kind to David. He was a trooper and seemed to genuinely handle things awfully well. He rolled with the punches, wasn’t demanding, was appreciative and loving throughout. On the other hand, there were some notable exceptions. You could ask him about the events leading up to the breaking of his MedAlert neck chain – on the other hand he probably doesn’t want to re-live it. Most of his issues just required tolerance: chemo brain is a topic all its own. Take his offer to make dinner the other night, after which his attention was diverted by a passing mention of John Prine, which led to his absorption with every possible website selling astronomically priced Prine CDs – which led to my weary, hungry self getting a wee bit impatient. Oh well, when you can’t be kind, at least show mercy.

I’ve found that getting through this without excessive damage also required me to be kind to my self – harder than I would have thought. There were just a lot of times when it felt like I should be doing more, should be offering better food choices, should be offering more diversionary activities, should be more energetic, more fun, more…. So I decided rather than change to a better person I’d just be kind to myself. David would be, so I modeled him.

I guess the third Be Kind is more along the lines of: Accept the kindness offered by the people who care about you. Phone calls, impromptu visits, meals, treats – if something’s offered grab it and hang on – your chance to repay the kindness will no doubt come along sometime soon. And if someone offers to take you out for a drink, by all means GO – this allows you to be kind to yourself, too. And who knows, it might also be showing mercy to the patient who is no doubt getting a bit tired of your anxious self hovering over his every sneeze.

So, Be Kind, Be Kind, Be Kind; if you can’t be kind, show mercy, and sometimes just get the heck out of there. It will be over before you know it.

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